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I've Found the Answer [28 Jul 2013|09:32pm]
It's been a little over four years since my last post. I can't believe I still remember the password to this account.

When I started this journal, I saw myself as a drifter in this vast world. So much to learn, so much to see, so much to experience. I wanted to find the meaning of life... But the answer was always in front of me. I read philosophy, psychology, sociology, self-improvement, and so forth to figure things out.

I found the answer on youtube. Yes - youtube. It was one of Graham Hancock's videos on consciousness. He talked about the history of mankind and how we've gotten to this point. Within the mix, he said that life's about experiencing. I'll also note that I would have glossed over that answer if other areas of research didn't come into play. Because I also research minimalism, Buddhism, conspiracy theories, fitness, and any truth, no matter how controversial.

From Buddhism, I learned that attachment causes suffering. From minimalism, I learned that letting material possessions go gives me freedom. From fitness, I learned to love myself, body, and goals. From self-improvement, I learned how to not be shy, go out to meet people and make them smile and laugh. From psychology and sociology, I learned about personalities, how I and others work.

When Graham Hancock spoke the answer, it's as if the unified theory finally appeared. All of my experiences and memories pulled together. "...Life is about experiences..." I remembered my trip up to Canada. I remembered the blood, sweat and tears I put in the gyms to hit goals. I remembered them people I've friended because I got over my shyness.

We're all looking for different answers in life - some easier than others. You may say, "'Life is about experiences' is an easy answer." But I'd challenge you that it's not so. If you look carefully, people tie their identity/ego to things like cars, jobs, and homes. "This" is who I am. What if their car blew up, house burned down or lost their job? What happens to their identity/ego? What if their American idol star loses?

Eckhart Tolle said it best, "Happiness comes from within. (I know other Gurus say it as well.)" When you have dreams, goals, and opportunity, you can't help but be happy.

"Everything passes; nothing stays the same."
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Blur [15 Sep 2009|07:34pm]
[ mood | Passionate ]

Where do the hours go?
Where do the days go?

Why are the fleeting moments

I open my eyes
And everything is a blur.
Everything is

And then I wake up,
Never more.

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Durian and confused [28 Apr 2009|07:13pm]
[ mood | amused ]

I'm still learning about fats but I know there are good and bat fats. What has me confused though is that its only list as fat but not under saturated or mono/polyunsaturated fat. In any case, I'd lean it towards the good fat.

I really use to hate durian as a kid. Growing up, when my dad opened the container of durian, I'd run to my room to shut the door cause I couldnt stand the smell. When I tried it for the first time, recently, I had to muscle it down. But its not all that bad now. It's actually a lot better than an avocado. I can have an avocado with sushi but entirely by itself, I'd puke.

The nutrition on a durian is great though. Outside of it being too expensive (6 bux for 3 cups of it), I could eat a lump (cup) every morning.

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Soon to be sprouting [27 Apr 2009|07:51pm]

I dug up some nutritional facts and man, Quinoa is awesome stuff. The others are good too but Quinoa gets the spotlight. Also, I could only find the nutrients for Quinoa in its seed form. I somehow misplaced the alfalfa nutrition one but o well.

I ordered some Quinoa, Broccoli, alfalfa, and Mung Bean seeds from this site: http://www.sprouting.com

I also got some mason jars from Walmart to sprout the seeds in.

How to sprout vid:
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Detoxification or just paranoid? [26 Apr 2009|09:30pm]
I understand that transitioning to a raw vegan diet, I'll experience some symptoms of sickness due to my body dumping all of the toxins held by my fat when my body starts to detox to cleanse my body. I also understand that I'll lose some weight in the process of cleansing before I regain my wait. The only thing I'm worried about is if Im not consuming the needed foods I need while going through these processes.

I caved in and had some meat today. I experienced some more sinus pressure today as well. Im not really punishing myself because this is something Ive never done before. Mom says that Ive lost some weight and in her motherly nature, told me I should eat some meat. Maybe I should introduce a little more meat into my diet until I figure a few more things out about raw vegan needs. I'm considering trying 90% of good fats (omega 3s and 6s) with nuts and seeds since I have a fairly high metabolism.

I've spent a lot of time on youtube (unfortunately, time consuming) looking into hydroponics and sprouting. Sprouting looks easy enough. Sprouting Wheat grass but requires a little more work. Sprouts are high in protein with 20-35% and has 40-50% in carbs which is exactly what I need in the morning.

On a brighter note: my some areas have cleared up from acne and my skin is waay less oily. I've also noticed what when I have greasy/oily or high sodium foods that my mind becomes a little foggy. Actually, thats how it was all the time when I ate meat or canned stuff. So it goes to show that introducing greens into a diet will make a difference.

This toy looks fun but I dunno about a 100 bux. I've been brainstorming on how to make my own for a fraction of the cost.
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[25 Apr 2009|10:44am]
Over the past few days, made some new purchases with the Vitamix 5200 and manual juicer. I cant wait for them to get in.

manual juicerPhotobucket

I had a pretty bad sugar craving so I had 3 mangoes and a lump of durian. Maybe more sugar than I needed but at least it's not refined sugar.


Water tip: If you ever have sinus pressure, water is a great way to get rid of it. Usually 1 liter of water will do the trick. I actually woke up with some serious sinus pressure this morning, after brushing my teeth, i chugged half a liter and another half liter 15 minutes later and went back to bed. I still had the pressure when I woke up an hour later and chugged another half liter. I found this trick out years ago when I had sinus pressure for a year and my doc couldnt help me get rid of it. It was more like he was trying to get rid of the symptom than the cause. I decided to do my own research and found my answer in a Chinese book at boarders. Without going into long detail with the whole book, my situation was, when i absorb too much "wind" it triggers my sinus pressure. It was hot when I got off of work yesterday and dropped all of my windows on the way home. My sinus pressure didnt kick in until this morning.
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red or blue pills [14 Apr 2009|08:52pm]
so I forgot to mention the books I got about two weeks ago:
(In the order that I have read them)

The Juice Fasting Bible by Sandra Cabot
12 Steps to Raw Foods by Victoria Boutenko
The China Study by T. Colin Campbell and Thomas M. Campbell II
Ultraprevention by Mark Hyman and Mark Liponis (about to read)

The three books I've read so far have been great but the one that really stood out for me was The China Study. I'll be finished with The China study tonight and I had a hard time putting it down when I picked it up 4 days ago. I pretty much spent all weekend reading it. I wish I could of read this book right after I was born. If you're breathing, it's a must read. Why? It'll explain why we still haven't figured out a cure for cancer yet. When, actually, the secret to cancer treatment has been in front of us all along. And the rabbit hole goes deeper than you think...

Channels I've also subscribed to on youtube:
TheRawFoodWorld by Matt Monarch and Angela stokes
kevingianni ken and anne-marie gianni
runningraw Tim Van orden

there are others that I check out once in a while but these 3 are my most faved.
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Withdraw [11 Apr 2009|12:44pm]
Eating a lot more fruits and veggies lately, I've been having withdraws. But every time I look at the old foods I use to eat, it looks so good and unhealthy at the same time, its a love and hate relationship. In any case, I still feel good that Im heading down a road less taken. Though Im learning much, its the sensation of clueless-ness and curiosity and keeps me going deeper into this vibrant forest.
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Greens and fruits [05 Apr 2009|03:56pm]
[ mood | filled ]

I just got back from Trader Joes and Farm Fresh with my greens and fruit shopping. I'm working on transitioning to a more raw vegan diet. Will I go a 100% raw? I dunno but I'm working on eating more greens and fruits in my diet. As of lately, I've been eating a lot more salads in the evenings. In any case, I pulled out the blender, threw in kale, collard greens, spinach, carrots and bananas. To say the least, the taste was stronger than i imagined and filling. I actually couldnt finish the whole smoothie, had to put the last little bit in the fridge. I had some peach, pear, pineapple, grapes and watermelon afterward.

Back to reading: 12 steps to raw foods.

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Pictures from a Cook out Friday night [14 Sep 2008|08:38pm]

My crappy camera didnt do this picture any justice at all. The sky was much more red that that.
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Prequal [07 Sep 2008|08:14pm]
[ mood | good ]

We change, whether we like it or not.
--Ralph Waldo Emerson


I would have to say that I a hate and love relationship with change. Sadly enough, I know change is only what I make of it. It's an intangible obstacle that I've made a mountain of. What are the times when we embrace change and the times we resist it?

I actually started changing a few months back. I hate doctors, eye doctors or anyone with a white coat on (but thats another story). Even so, I went through the whole process and got myself contacts. I got myself sunglasses for the first time, ever.

I started working out again. I started getting a little gut going, not that I'm huge or anything, but I hated not having that old washboard abs. I lost the tummy and just working on keeping muscle tone.

I started drinking more water. I never realized how dehydrated my body use to be. I drink about 1-2 gallons/ 4-8 liters of water a day. It's made a huge difference in how I feel and in my health. When I get sinus pressure or feel a little under the weather, I drink water a bit more water than normal and it makes all the difference. (I hate meds and pills).

I also went out and spent a few hundred bux on new clothes. A few dress shirts and some dress shoes.


I remember as a kid, always wanting to make people laugh and smile. The image played slowly, frame by frame, in black and white. But that wasn't the reality, I was the shy, introverted kid. I was the one that stood from a distance and watched those that knew the art of communication. They could just walk up to a crowd of strangers, jump start the conversation, trigger the laughs and paint the smiles on others.

Carl Jung: The Inner World (guy's version, for ladies, just flip the opposite sex)

Remember a kid from childhood that you really like, then one you didn't like.

Remember what you liked about your dad (mom for ladies) when you were little, remember what you didnt like.

Think about what you admire in men right now, think about what you hate.

Now think about what you love about women, and what you hate.

Carl Jung calls these projections, that they're actually you. These are "your" things. They have nothing to do with those people. These things happen within you. Those things that you admire in men are actually your own gifts that you're not allowing out of you. The things you hate about men are mostly your dark side, the things you dont like. The things you love about women are the holes in your personality, the needs you haven't figured out how to get met. The things you hate about women are your own insecurities. Your issues.


Looking back...I still want to be that kid, the one that could make others laugh and smile. I have no problem with walking up to people and starting a conversation. I do have my moments of being funny and having a good time. But its far, few and a conscious effort. I want to be the guys that I admire, the life of the party. Not for the attention, but the ability to bring others joy, fun, and laughter.

I pulled like 15 books from my self to re-read and a few others I'm planning on purchasing as well. Some of those books seem out there as well, but hey, im the "out of the box" type of person anyways.


my bookshelf is looking full as well. I need to get another one or start packing some of the books in boxes. Actually, behind those books are more books, smaller paperback ones. I also have books laying all over the floor as well.

To exist is to change, to change is to mature, to mature is to go on creating oneself endlessly.
--Henri Bergson

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Seems like just yesterday [03 Sep 2008|04:52pm]
[ mood | thoughtful ]

Man is what he believes.
--Anton Chekhov

I can't believe its been 2 years since i've written. It seems like i just stopped yesterday. I'm planning on re-inventing myself again like i did many years ago. it must of been 02, about six years since the last time i totally changed who i was, from how i dressed to who i've become today.

I bought myself a new journal and started writing in it last night, the first step to a new journey.

more to come in due time...


Believe that life is worth living, and your belief will help create that fact.
--William James

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The game of chess [26 Aug 2006|09:19pm]
what is this world before me? Why do I face these battles with enemies I cant see?

I believe this to be the most short-visioned day i've steped upon. I feel like i've played a heavy game of ping-pong--a game full of doubts and avoiding. The voices whisper in the left and right ear. It scares me because i've felt my heart numb over the fleeting weeks. What scares me more is that i havent done the things i needed to.

I remember the day the distraction crept in and when the doubts numbed me.

I've always wanted to live in an age of war. It's not that I didnt want peace but I wanted to be apart of winning a war for peace. I've wanted to live in an age with swords and martial arts. I may win or lose but the confrentation is easier knowing its an opponent I can see.

what is this world before me? Why do I face these battles with enemies I cant see? Facing one self in battle will never be an easy battle. I've always seen it as a game of chess. Its a game where I'm both players. Its a world I can never grasp or see but feel the results through my days.
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[17 Feb 2006|08:16pm]
I think i'm gonna start trying to write again. Maybe once a month. Hopefully, it'll be thought provoking like my old stuff.
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"The spirit of Kyokushin" [04 Feb 2006|09:25pm]
Did you see the sunrise this morning? Or were you thankful for another breath this morning? Maybe you woke up mad at someone or something. What if today was your last day on this world. Would those (trivial) things really matter?

"The spirit of kyokushin means to do your best, until the last moment." I was watching, "The Fighter in the Wind" when I came across this. I think this is very fitting for a world we all "believe" we've grasped. I've at least felt like that lately and haven't used my time as wisely as I should have.

I know I'll never have today back. I know I can't count on tomorrow. The intangible thing I have is now. Have you ever noticed how pain makes you feel the seconds tick by and fun and laughter makes the time fly? How we choose to paint the world each day is determined by how we percieve time. If today was your last day, would the spirit of Kyokushin hold true in your life?

Pain makes you feel the seconds tick by.
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[25 Dec 2005|07:51pm]
If you'd told me the world was coming to an end, I'd believe you.
If I told you there'd be light at the end of the tunnel, would you believe me?

Walking down the road with others, people learn who I am.
Walking down the road, alone, I learn who I'll become.

I've had my days of darkness and light
But whoever said an adventure was easy?
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A hack3r5 Chri5t5ma5 wi5hli5t [18 Dec 2005|11:42am]
This is just for fun but it'll give you an idea of the kinds of things I'd like to get my hands on.

Sealed lead acid battery 12v/17Ah $33
200 Watt black and decker inverter $35
Dual 12" white cold cathodes $7
Special volt meter $200
Current meter $50
Battery Capacity Analyzer $220
Potical tachometer $30
Computerized Battery Analyzer $110
(guess i'll stop there, haha)

these are some side projects im working on.

This isn't grownd breaking but that's a lead acid batter (12v/7Ah) connected to a 100w inverter producing light (to the right) with a 120v/7w light. Pretty much, this is a home made UPS or back up battery. If the power goes out, I can get 12 hrs. of light. A few years ago, we got hit with some isabell weather and knocked out power for 10 days. This wasn't the soul purpose of this project but this will come in handy.

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Advice? [11 Dec 2005|08:49pm]
I'm going to a christmas party this coming Sunday (18th) and my dish to bring is homemade desert to feed about 50ish peoples. Any ideas what to make? I'm kitchen challenged, so I need something that's simple, fast, good-tasting, and ecnomical. Worse case, I'll resort to making brownies but I haven't made that in 7ish years.
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Air bubble in the ocean [13 Nov 2005|11:16pm]
I had my own pity party this weekend. I really didnt do anything saturday than watch videos on free energy, play some chess and sleep.

Today, I was a bit more productive. I went about the town and did some reflection, even though I was frustrated at myself. I feel and, perhaps, know i'm holding myself back from where I know I should be in life. Self exploration is harder than necessary.

Towards the end of the day, I swung by harris teeter to get some sushi. I ended up talking to one of the sushi dude for about half and hour. He's from Bama (?), a place close to thailand. He works 12 hour days, 6 days a week. He came to the US to educate himself and he's funding his own way. ...A man in a struggle to overcome and reach his goal, I was moved. I'm glade it met him today. It just reaffirmed my values and my struggles before me.

As I drove home, I took in the world around me: the sunset, clouds and blue sky. I was watching an interview with Rob Patterson (A reverse engineering in the area of free energy) and it was relating an invention of his to an air bubble moving towards the surface of the ocean, searching for equilibrium. and i thought, "how perfect. that's me. i'm the bubble searching for equilibrium."

i got home, did laundry, ate sushi and watched equilibrium.
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chess questions (a (loong) shot in the dark but ya never know) [12 Nov 2005|08:22pm]
Does anyone out there know when chess airs on Espn/Espn2? I'm looking to record it this year as well as the 06 Olympic Chess in Feb. Know of any good websites that has downloadable (free) clips or streaming video of chess games (not the radio commentary). I'm interested in the mannerisms of players.
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